After 35 years of stockbroking for some of the biggest houses and investors in Australia and the UK, the Secret Broker is regaling Stockhead readers with his colourful war stories \u2014 from the trading floor to the dealer\u2019s desk.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Well, it\u2019s that time of year again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Roll out the red carpet and polish up those diamonds, for tonight it is the annual awards of awards night.<\/span><\/p>\n Luckily for me, after having had numerous pulled faces and rejections, I managed to get my suit into the dry cleaners. Sir Les Patterson\u2019s ex dry cleaners to be precise.<\/span><\/p>\n They have obviously been under financial stress since his passing so they organised to have my trousers taken out by an inch or so too, due to my Christmas over indulgences.<\/span><\/p>\n It was nice to be able to help them out and if you look in your goodie bags, you will find a very handy little voucher from them, so please don\u2019t be shy, no matter the stain.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n They have seen it all!<\/span><\/p>\n Well, as ever, it has been an interesting year.<\/span><\/p>\n A couple of wars here and there and the re-emergence of old orange face, ahead of the US Presidential elections, should see these dramas continue on into 2024.<\/span><\/p>\n We only have to wait till 5th November to find out who the winner will be, so I bet you all can\u2019t wait to see all the online click bait stories to pop up on your phones.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m bored of it already, as I am sure most of you all are as well.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n But let\u2019s not be distracted by these upcoming events and concentrate on why we are all brought together on this night of nights.<\/span><\/p>\n Firstly, I would like to thank tonight\u2019s sponsors, namely No stain, No Gain Dry Cleaners, Moonee Ponds and also the Betty Ford Clinic, for their generous after party \u2018next day\u2019 discount vouchers, which you will also find in your goodie bags.<\/span><\/p>\n So, let\u2019s get the night rolling, oh and before I forget, a big thank you to our panel of judges, without whom these awards would not be able to happen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I won\u2019t name names here but you will be able to spot them via their very large and overloaded goodie bags on wheels, which of course are made in China and are a speciality.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n The winner of tonight\u2019s Muddy Waters \u2018wish we had shorted this one\u2019 goes to the ASX-listed company Phoslock (ASX:PET)<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n The judges were impressed by how this company, whose purpose was to clean up dirty industrial waste water ways, managed to get themselves bogged down in their own dirty mess, to such an extent, that they are now heading for liquidation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Having reached a high of $1.50 in 2019, the company got suspended at 2.5c. The only lock in Phoslock just so happened to be its loyal shareholders, unlike the Chinese officials who they bribed<\/a> with even larger goodie bags than even our judges are struggling to wheel home.<\/span><\/p>\n\n \ufeff<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n Now, moving on. Our next award is the \u2018Sir Les Patterson Politically Correct Award\u2019 and this year it goes to a charity owner chap, by the name of Samuel Joel. <\/span><\/p>\n His tirade against women via his LinkedIn account would have have made Sir Les blush.<\/span><\/p>\n Having set up a crypto charity for the homeless, he would eventually apologise for his words and blame it his remarks for, well, being homeless, one of which included \u2018assuming I wanna bang you, because let\u2019s be honest \u2013 you look Fat\u2019 to a fellow Linkedin member.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n His very moving apology also included that he now plans to \u2018attend therapy sessions to address his sexist and sometimes misogynistic behaviour, towards women\u2019. <\/span>In the words of Agnes Brown, \u2018that\u2019s nice\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n The Arthur Daley Award for being \u2018caught with your pants down\u2019 goes to yet another crypto player, Changpeng Zhao, and the U$4bn fine that the U.S Department of Justice shoved under the door of his company Binance.<\/span><\/p>\n Zhao basically ignored International Anti Money Laundering Laws so he could continue to collect billions of dollars in commission<\/a>, but when he was finally cornered he pleaded guilty to all charges and now faces a hefty jail sentence.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Next up is the Larry Grayson \u2018backdoor listing of the year award\u2019 which goes to the advisors behind the Chemist Warehouse (backdoor) listing, as normally the ASX would normally just say \u2018shut that door\u2019 but somehow they have let it through, which is good to see.<\/span><\/p>\n Now we have the Michael J Burry \u2018short of the year\u2019 award. It goes to Zoe Foster Blake, who sold 50.1% of her skin care business to the then listed company BWX for A$89m and bought it back this year for A$21.8m.<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n I always thought that BWX should have turned the \u2018W\u2019 around and changed it to an \u2018M\u2019 as this is what they ultimately did to their investors. <\/span><\/p>\n They took them on a very steep downward BMX mountain bike track, which ended with a spectacular crash when KPMG were appointed as administrators.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\n \ufeff<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n Now, let\u2019s turn our heads toward the Infrastructure industry as we announce\u00a0 this years winner of the Clint Eastwood \u2018Spaghetti Western of the Year\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n It goes to the $20bn WestConnex Rozelle interchange, which managed to do completely the opposite of what it was built for and instead of speeding up traffic,\u00a0 brought it to a grinding halt<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The Working Dog team behind Utopia were meant to be here tonight to hand over the award but I have just heard over my earpiece, that they have taken the wrong tunnel under Anzac Bridge and are now heading towards Canberra instead of Sydney. Let\u2019s hope Rob and the team get here in time for the after party drinks, as they only have 16 kilometres of tunnels left to go.<\/span><\/p>\n Our next award is sponsored by the charity \u2018Benevolent Fund for Lawyers who earn less than $1m a year\u2019. who, according to their website, \u2018offer much needed support to lawyers and their families who struggle financially and mentally to make ends meet, when their income is below $1m a year\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n I have to be careful not to tear up now, as the winner of this year\u2019s award is none other than Ben Roberts-Smith, whose pursuit of defamation claims against Nine Entertainment ended with the Judge saying \u2018Nine Entertainment\u2019s claims of unlawful killings and bullying by Roberts Smith were substantially true\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n This finding has left his backers with a $35m legal bill to pay<\/a> and the Benevolent Fund is truly grateful for this, as it will help many lawyers lift themselves above that $1m a year poverty line.<\/span><\/p>\n And finally, as we come to the last award for the night and head towards the after party, I have to thank the \u2018We Can\u2019t Reach Hospitality Group\u2019. Their policy of only employing bar staff who are under five foot tall, is a much needed solution in our industry, especially on a night like this. They can only serve tap beer and wine as they literally can\u2019t reach the top shelf and as we have an open bar policy, it will save us from financial damage as well as your livers from damage as well. A win win, all round.<\/span><\/p>\n So, now to the final award of the night.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The winner of the Tommy Cooper \u2018Now you see it, Now you Don\u2019t\u2019 award goes to the directors behind Chat GPT, who sacked the company\u2019s CEO on the Monday and then managed to go through three CEOs before ending up with the same CEO it started the week with, on the Friday.<\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Sam Altman was sacked by the board, who forgot to tell their biggest investor Microsoft before announcing his departure. <\/span><\/p>\n Seeing as Microsoft had just dropped a lazy U$10bn investment into the company because of Sam, you could kind of feel the heat from the telephone discussions after this event. By Saturday, the old board ended up being sacked themselves.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Oh the irony!<\/span><\/p>\n We have reached an agreement in principle for Sam Altman to return to OpenAI as CEO with a new initial board of Bret Taylor (Chair), Larry Summers, and Adam D\u2019Angelo.<\/p>\n We are collaborating to figure out the details. Thank you so much for your patience through this.<\/p>\n \u2014 OpenAI (@OpenAI) November 22, 2023<\/a><\/p>\n\n And on that note I now declare the bar open.<\/span><\/p>\n Goodnight and Thank You for coming and supporting our charities and please don\u2019t forget your vouchers!<\/span><\/p>\n See you in 2024.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n The Secret Broker can be found on Twitter here\u00a0@SecretBrokerAU<\/a>\u00a0or on email at\u00a0thesecretbroker@stockhead.com.au.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Feel free to contact him with your best stock tips and ideas.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n The post The Secret Broker: The winner of our \u2018wish we had shorted this one\u2019 award, and more<\/a> appeared first on Stockhead<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Talking of China, this leads us nicely on to our first award of the night.<\/strong><\/h2>\n